One By One

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. I know what I want to say, but I have a hard time properly putting it into words. This past Saturday Ray and I went to the adult session of our bi-annual stake conference. I haven't ever gone to a Saturday evening session because I have 4 kids to take care of, but this particular evening 2 women from my ward were speaking so I got a babysitter. I'm so glad that I did.

The meeting began with a member of the stake presidency speaking to us about how we need to record those instances where we see and feel the Lord's hand in our life in small but significant ways. This happens to all of us, but if we aren't paying attention we may not notice it. I have heard this advice given several times in the last few months...must be important.

Next they had 4 members of the stake speak to us about how they have seen God's hand in their lives. All of these members have had major struggles in their lives. The first man spoke about his struggles with gambling and substance abuse before he became a member of the church. There was mother with 3 young children whose husband is currently deployed to Afghanistan. There was a man who had lost several people close to him. Last was a young woman who spent a couple of years in prison at a very young age for her part in a fatal car accident. They all spoke about how God carried them through these experiences, how the Atonement of Jesus Christ has personally touched their lives.

After these talks the stake president got up and taught us about the 6 times in the scriptures where the phrase "one by one" is mentioned. He read a scripture from the Book of Mormon, 3rd Nephi 11:15 "And it came to pass that the multitude went forth and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come". After he read this scripture he asked the audience to share times in their lives when they had the opportunity to feel the Saviors wounds, to partake of the atonement personally in their lives. Many people in the audience shared very personal stories of their experience with the salvation that the Atonement offers each and every one of us. Many of these stories were heartwrenching, but the eternal principles gained from their encounter with the Savior left us all hopeful.

The Spirit was palpable in the room. It is so hard to put into words. It was an amazing feeling that I wish I could replicate each and every day. I could feel God's love for me. We all felt it. God was there administering to his children. One of my dad's favorite scriptures comes from the Book of Mormon, Mosiah 18:21, "And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another." This is how I felt, that we all had our hearts knit together in unity and love. I felt so much love and compassion for all of my brothers and sisters in the Gospel. The Spirit bore witness to me of the incredible love that the Savior has for each and every one of us, of the incredibly personal level on which he know each of us.

I have been thinking about this all week. I have been pondering the times in my life where I have felt the Saviors wounds, where I have been taught about the Atonement. I have been thinking a lot about the time when I was first coming back to church after several years of inactivity. I won't go into all the details of why I left, but I have said before that although I don't think ever doubted the truthfulness of the church, I just felt like there wasn't really a place for me in it. When I was first going back to church my testimony was so fragile, but I wanted it to be strong. I prayed so hard for my faith to grow, for that knowledge to come back to me. I often felt like my prayers were not being answered. But even though my testimony was weak I had a burning desire to make it strong. I was trying to live in a way that would be pleasing to God.

During this time I was working as a social worker for child protection services. An 18 month old little boy on my caseload was in a pre-adoptive placement with an LDS family. He tragically drowned at a family reunion. The LDS foster family arranged the funeral. I attended the funeral and it was so uplifting, so hopeful. However, his biological mother was there and she was completely beside herself. I tried to comfort her but she was beyond comfort. She believed that she would never see her son again. As I observed all of this happening and saw the dichotomy between the bio-mom and the foster family, the Spirit spoke to me about eternal families. It was like He was whispering in my ear, teaching me about the eternal nature of families. When this happened I felt wrapped in the arms of the Savior. I felt his love so strongly. I knew it was an answer to prayer. I felt those tender mercies of my Father in Heaven surrounding me and I knew then 3 things.

1- The family is eternal and we can be together forever.

2- If you try to be obedient and your desires are righteous the doors to heaven will always be open.

3- There IS a place for me.

Since that time there have been probably thousands of opportunities for me to feel the wounds of the Savior. Some big, most small. I am so grateful for this knowledge that I have. I have a newfound desire to progress, to continue to feel His love every day.