So, last year I registered him at a regular community preschool, which met 2 days a week. He wasn't potty trained at the time, which they were aware of, and let's just say it didn't go well. I pulled him out after 2 months. He didn't like it, they weren't really able or willing to deal with a child who is a little more difficult so why keep paying to send him to a place he didn't want to go?
I have always thought that Elliot has a speech/language delay. I also have always had a feeling that he had a delay in the social skills area. I have always felt that both of these things are a result of a really, really bad ear infection he had when he was 14 months, mastoiditis, which was corrected through an emergency surgery once we figured out what was going on. I have always felt that all the ear issues he had as a baby contributed to his delays. Anyway, long story short, I had him tested last January through the school district and he does, in fact, have a language delay and social skills delay. He was really borderline on both, but it qualified him for a special needs preschool through the school district. It has been JUST what Elliot needed. He became completely potty trained shortly after he started school last winter. His language has improved leaps and bounds. He still struggles with some social skills issues but that has also gotten better. Best of all, he is SO excited about going to school. He LOVES it. He knows all the names of the kids in his class, loves the schedule and structure it provides and LOVES his teachers who are so kind and understanding. They really know what they are doing. It has been awesome. Because it is a special needs preschool through the school district, a bus comes to our door to pick him up and drop him off every day. He loves the bus, too.
So, I haven't talked about this to very many people because, honestly, I still don't know how I feel about it. I feel like if I tell people that Elliot is in a "special needs" preschool he is instantly put in a box with a label. This may be my own prior ignorance of what a "special need" actually is, coming through. But I think a lot of people have that same ignorance and I just want people to see Elliot as the normal kid that he is.
When Elliot was really young I had someone tell me that I should get him tested for autism. This person was well meaning but uninformed. She thought that Elliot was probably autistic because her neighbor had autism (like full blown autism-he didn't even speak) and wouldn't look her in the eye when she talked to him, like Elliot apparently did. Ever since then I have felt very protective of Elliot. I have my own views about the big push for Autism (1 in every 100 kids, really?!). I did my research and I worked around the mental health community for a long time, but that is a blog for another day. Anyway, this is something that I have spent a lot of time pondering and praying about, and I have really been left with a feeling that I need to protect Elliot and be skeptical of any label he may be given that could affect the rest of his life. (no one has ever diagnosed him with anything, by the way). Anyway, I don't know why I am willing to put this out there now, maybe I am just more ready. The jury is still out on whether or not there is something "wrong" with Elliot. But what does that even mean? Why does everyone have to fit into the same mold? You can see that I am still conflicted. But what I am SURE about is that Elliot is soooo special, smart, and wonderful. I feel really lucky to be his mom.
6 comments:
Good for you! Elliot was always such a sweet kid when I was around. He's Elliot, that's GREAT!
Not that I am around Elliott more than once every three years but he has grown in his language and social skill a huge amount since the last time we were together. It's not any different than a child going to a speech therapist or a physical therapist. I hate the labels too and I totall agree with you on the autism thing. It's just too much! Remember at Thanksgiving in Cleveland? Just like you said, it's not that big of a deal.
I know Lori, I was just thinking about that conversation we all had in Cleveland :)
This is a perfect example of when I would choose to ignore what people and the media have to say, especially when they don't have anything helpful or positive to offer. 1 in 100 might be someone else's "fact", but it does not have to be yours. You can be cautious and aware, but you don't have to get sucked into the negative hype. You're using your gut and that's a good place to operate from.
Yay for Elliot!!! Glad he's found a place that makes him happy.
Becky, Elliott is so lucky to have such a well-informed, in-tune, and nurturing mom like you. I think you are right on target- there is no reason or need to "label" him, and the fact that you have seen so much growth in his development over the past year is proof enough that he is getting just what he needs and will continue to progress beautifully at just the right pace: his own!
My sister's two youngest boys were both extremely delayed in communication and social skills- and she would get the same thing all the time- "You should have him tested" and, "Do you think he may be autistic? The earlier you get him diagnosed, the better." I'm sure these people were all well-meaning, but my sister knew in her heart that they were just fine! And she was right! Both of them went into Kindergarten, both of them still had major speech issues, but Emmit is now a completely normal 2nd grader, and Coen is doing fine in Kindergarten. Who cares if they're not developing at exactly the same rate as the majority of other kids? They're doing just fine, and both Janae and I believe that kids WILL rise to your expectations: high OR low.
Keep doin' what you're doin' Becky! I think it is wise of you to protect him from being labeled and put into a box. All he needs is the love and encouragement and opportunity you are providing... and you'll see soon enough that there is indeed nothing "wrong" with Elliot. Janae did!
Congrats on finding just the right preschool for him- it's great that he is so happy there and eager to go. That sure helps with the morning chaos if they're not dreading school!!!
Ohh Elliot, I love you. He is his own person, and you know what I think? I think he is going to be really really smart as he ages. He is SO lucky to have you as his mother. He is who he is, and you know what? He's perfect.
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